Ok, so here I am at work and I forgot my copy of The Sun Also Rises, so I've decide to launch my rant on NYC Hipsters unprepared. Anyway, lemme see here, I'll think of a good little anecdote to get the party started right. To begin, let me tell you a little bit about myself. I am 24, my tastes cover the general hipster gamut, I like hip music, Yo La Tengo, Belle & Sebastian, Modest Mouse, Flaming Lips, Kruder & Dorfmeister, and fuck if I can't help liking those little fuckers the Strokes, I don't want to, you see, because they, in a sense are at fault for this hipster explosion of late, but the little knotty headed bastards can write a great hook, gotta give that to them. So anyway, I read a lot, and I suspect I read a lot of stuff that so-called hipsters read, Hemingway (duh?) Henry Miller (although I think Miller might be a little inflammatory for a lot of the P.C. hipster fucks out there) I like the Beats here and there, I like Rushdie, Kundera, blah blah blah ... anyway, my basic point here is that if you saw me on the street, you might think I'm actually sort of a hipster, but, of course, I'm not.
AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY:
I don't wear (I don't even own) any ridiculous trucker-style caps with mesh screen, I certainly don't fucking wear them backwards, or sideways, I do wash my hair and like to keep it relatively trim, I don't own any big sunglasses, I don't have any of those little T-Shirts that say things about little league football teams from little nowhere American towns, or funny Jesus quips, or glittering iron-on Dukes Of Hazzard decals, I don't have any tribal or comic book related tattoos, (I don't have any tattoos, if you must know) I don't hang giant pictures of paint-by-number art on the fresh sheetrock walls of the Williamsburg loft (that I don't have) that my parent's (don't) rent for me. I don't go to art school, I don't come from the Midwest, I don't think Andy Warhol was brilliant, I don't think the Velvet Underground were "totally underrated," I don't own any lunchboxes from the 1970s (or 1980s) I don't have any piercings (although during a confused stage of college I did have one briefly) I don't believe that communal living is a workable idea, I don't carry a digital camera everywhere I go shooting pictures of my other dumb hipster friends and putting them up on my dumb hipster photolog site (but you of course see the undeniable hypocrite in me here because I am participating in the 'push-button publishing revolution' after all, I do apologize for the muck-up, but it must be acknowledged here that by venting about hipsters I am quickly coming to the realization that they are not as easily defined as I generally let on) I do not 'go to shows' I do not think it's cool to drink shitty beer and shitty wine, I also do not think it's fun to get 'brunch' every Sunday, I do not think it's funny that rashes of hipsters are driving lots of long time residents of "diverse" neighborhoods out into more "diverse" (i.e. poor and cheap) neighborhoods because they're sick of "yuppies." I do not understand why Annie's Organic Macaroni & Cheese is any better than Kraft, I do not necessarily believe that the government is trying to conspire against us, I don't want to talk about Francis Ford Coppola, I think loafer shoes are fucking ugly, and I do not think that Pet Sounds was the best fucking Beach Boys album!!!!! Until next time.